Imperfect, Not Incomplete: A Journey to Confidence

Imperfect, Not Incomplete: Embracing Your Flaws and Finding Confidence

AMAKA: WHY?? 

This is totally unfair, take a look at Kemi, or Tolu or even Nkechi, they all seem perfect with no flaws or problems to worry about. They all have amazing boyfriends, and they can travel anywhere they want; it is just so unfair. What exactly did I do wrong? Why is nothing exciting happening in my life, I barely even have a good job, I am so sad right now, I do not even have a manly shoulders to lean on, but I want that so badly, why do guys not notice me, am I cursed? Life is just being so unfair to me.

BRIIINNNGG BRIIINNNGG BRIIINNNGG BRIIINNNGG.  (The phone keeps ringing but Amaka does not seem to be in the mood to talk with anyone)... After hours of crying, she sleeps off.
An hour later….

HER FRIEND: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!! Amaka!! Open the door, I know you are in there; I have been calling you all morning. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

After minutes of knocking on the door, Amaka finally opens the door.

HER FRIEND: Seriously, girl…… WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU! HAVE YOU BEEN CRYING?! I really can not believe you have been avoiding my calls all morning, where in the world have you been and why did you not come to work?
Come on, talk to me ok? What is it? Did something bad happen?

I am just really tired of this life; Amaka says, looking really sad and dejected.

HER FRIEND: But I really do not understand. Did something happen? Why are you feeling like this?
Please talk to me, ok? You know I really care about you; you are the only real friend I have, and it kills me to see you like this.

AMAKA: Kemi and I bumped into each other yesterday, and it was not even my fault but hers, because she was walking with full attention to her phone. She then began to insult me and say all sorts. Who the hell does she think she is, of course I talked back at her and warned her never to talk to me in that manner again, but you know me, I got home and got super sad.  I began to compare our lives and how far she has gone in all aspect, and it made me really sad, why are things going so slowly for me?  It isn’t even moving at all!!! It's just static, the same job for years now, no boyfriend, NOTHING!!

HER FRIEND: Wait, so you think because you do not have a boyfriend and a new job, you do not have a life? You may be imperfect, but never incomplete, and what I need you to do is to embrace your flaws and find confidence. 

I have told you a couple of times never to let these things eat you up so much that you do not have to be on the same pace with them before you appreciate what you have, or before your life will have meaning for you. Look at me, am I not in the same situation with you, do you see me eating myself up? You are making me really pissed off. When will you learn to accept who you truly are? You keep complaining, but you never do anything to change the situation. Crying always, would not solve a thing, once in a while you have to try to be strong and try taking a step ahead, since this is what you want, and you know I will always be here for you. You can achieve anything you want once you put your mind to it, and never compare yourself with others, ok?

You want a boyfriend? Go get yourself one; you shouldn't wait for him to make the first move. Once you like someone, go to them, try becoming friends, and don’t sit back waiting for a miracle.

I know you really like John, so what exactly are you waiting for? I know he is really nice to you. Maybe he likes you too, but you will never know unless one of you decides to take a step towards it.

AMAKA: But I really can not do that!! It is impossible for me, you've said I should embrace my flaws. Well, this is precisely what I am doing!

HER FRIEND: If you need me to keep reiterating it until it finally sticks in your head, then I definitely will. What I said is that it may seem like you are imperfect, but you are not incomplete, Amaka, and I need you to not only embrace your flaws but also find confidence in yourself. So that things like this will stop getting to you. 

And why is that? Why exactly can't you take the first step with John? You can! You can do whatever you want. You may be imperfect, but you are not incomplete, Amaka. You like him, and he just might like you back but you will never know if you do not at least try to make an attempt to even get to know him better, in what world does it say that the guy must make the first move? That they must be the bravest?  He might be shy because he has a really high regard for you and respects the beautiful woman that you are.

AMAKA: Oh, stop it! You know you do not mean that; you are only trying to make me feel better.

HER FRIEND: Make you feel better? Why on earth would I want to do that? Will I want to be best friends with a loser? I see something in you Amaka, something way beyond what you will ever see in yourself, you are the most amazing person that I have ever known, strong, determined, super caring and beautiful. I do not understand why you tend to forget who you truly are and the abilities you are blessed with, and try to use them to make a difference in your life, since you crave that so much. If there is nothing else that will motivate you to take that step, my confidence and belief in you is what should keep you going.

You need a man? Go for it, it's just right in front of you.

You hate the life you live and want it to be different? Then go for it. Try to find a new job or, better still, do your own thing. I know you are good at a lot of things. You love to sew, and you are perfect at it. You are a fantastic writer. I have read a lot of your works, and they are all good. Look at you, you didn’t even have intentions of going out of your house today, but you made yourself up this beautifully, you can be a makeup artist if you want, you learnt it yourself, and you are perfect at it.

Amaka begins to pace around the room as she listens to her friend, she begins to see sense in all that she says and begins to really give it a thought. Maybe I am not so bad after all, she says to herself, then she begins to pay more attention to what her friend is saying.

I also know you love kids a lot, you are really good with them and I really do not know how you do it but they love you too, you can decide to make your life revolve around them or better still tutor them. I know in Primary school, you were really smart and always got good grades in all subjects. 

You know for a fact that everything I am saying right now is true; you can not argue that. So do you really still want to compare yourselves with those losers? Do you think those girls can ever be as perfect as you are? Their life is fake, and they solely depend on guys, but look at you, at least you made it this far without a guy. You can still get any guy you want, and when you do, he will cherish you because you want to be with him for love and not the money like those losers, even after how much they get, they are always in search of more, and what for? Just for people to envy them and adore them, but you know what, Amaka? We are different, ok? We are not going to sit in our homes admiring their stupidity or fascinated by where they travelled to this weekend and where their next trip will be. For sure, this is what they want, and you want to know why they hate us so much? It is because they know that we are not like the rest who adore them. So you see why it is really pissing me off seeing you like this, and you know I can go on and on talking because there is a lot to say, and this is my speciality.

Amaka looks at her friend with this look that reads, WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE. She hugs her so tight for up to two minutes, and she says to her; ""Please do not ever leave me because I do not ever want to lose you". She takes her palms, looks her in the eyes and says "THANK YOU" and she suddenly she gains lots of energy, jumps up and says, "OK, WHERE DO I START FROM BECAUSE I REALLY NEED TO GET LAID TONIGHT"…

Her friend laughs a lot, then says, yessssssss. My baby is back!!!...